How seriously do you take yourself?
Like on a scale of Richard Branson to Donald Trump or from Ellen Degeneres to Oprah, where do you fall?
If you are not sure if you are too serious, I have devised a few helpful questions to determine your level of seriousness (or as I think of it: lameness):
- Do you know everything about everything and make sure people know that you know?
- Do you never make mistakes?
- Has it been a while since you last heard yourself laugh?
- When people make fun of your M-dot tattoo, do you get offensive?
- Is most of what comes out of your mouth in the form of absolute bullshit?
Triathlon seems to be full of these serious types. You know who you are. You’re the people that don’t correct the little old lady at the coffee shop that thinks you are an Olympian. You’re the guy that responds to “are you a triathlete?” with “actually, I’m an ironman.” Lighten up!
Sheesh. You’re not curing cancer for fucks sake (unless you are an oncologist that also happens to do triathlons, if so, ignore that last comment). It’s totally fine to set goals for yourself, but have a little fun while you do it. Even the so-called “professional triathletes” (that’s in quotes because I’m pretty sure they hardly make any money) know how to have a good time.
Scrolling through the list of entries for Ironman Canada, I was relieved to see that there are quite a few people that don’t take themselves too seriously. How do I know this you ask? Well at registration there’s the option to add in your occupation. PWTTTS will use this opportunity to tell the world what awesome job they do and how important they are. Fun people tell us something funny and useful.
Some of my favorites on the list:
1 WEIMERANER WALKER
2 WATERMELON PICKLER
3 THE OGOPOGO WHISPERER
4 SUPER FLY COMPUTER GUY
5 SUPER HERO
6 RIDICULOUSLY GOOD LOOKING
7 PUNISHMENT GLUTTON
8 PROFESSIONAL TRIATHLETE
9 PROFESSIONALLY GOOD LOOKING
10 PROFFESSIONAL NINJA (this guy should look out for # 14)
11 PROFESSIONAL BACON EATTER
12 PLATYPUS WRANGLER (I’m not sure if this was a joke, he was from Texas)
13 MURSE FANTASTIQUE
14 NINJA HUNTER
15 MEDIOCRE ATHLETE
16 MINE FOR A HEART OF GOLD
17 JEDI, LIKE MY FATHER BEFORE ME
19 COOKIE MONSTER (there are two!)
20 CIRCUS BEAR
21 CIRCUS CLOWN
22 BUTT SNIFFER (I wonder if this guy realized this is published information)
Why we even need to put our occupation is beyond me. Frankly, I don’t give a shit what your job is as I pass you up Richter.
Interestingly, my age group had zero of these entries. I hope not all the 30-34 females take themselves too seriously.
My occupation is mysteriously absent from this list, but I’m sure I put something like “supreme ruler of all things sarcastic.”