Ahh the off season. I’m really good at the off season. The other day I noticed my muscles were really sore…from doing so little. My off season was catapulted towards me this year with a minor mishap I had in October. Picture the most beautiful morning for a fall half marathon, with clear skies and the promise of sunshine and tank-top temperatures. Feeling fitter than you’ve felt in weeks and ready to lay down a new personal best and hopefully beat your brother in law you head out on the crisp morning with your friends to do your warm up and jog towards the race. As the sunlight rises above the small city of Victoria it casts a glow across the streets awaiting the thousands of feet of eager runners. The sunlight didn’t quite reach that hole in the sidewalk that your right foot so skillfully finds with such precision that the roll of your ankle results in a second degree sprain. Oops. So that happened. I tried to start the race, but pulled out at km3 and hobbled back to the house. We spent the rest of the day on our bikes cheering (and confusing people I started the race with) and drinking copious amounts of coffee. That was, in fact, my first DNF ever. Go me.
So I can’t run. I really don’t feel like riding or swimming; I’ve been looking for something new to do. I tried yoga. I like yoga. It’s peaceful and usually clean. I do tend to giggle under my breath when it comes time to “Ohm” or “Namaste”, but other than that I like it. However, how they can justify charging $20 for a drop in is beyond me. Really? I need to pay you $20 to stand around in funny poses and breathe? Isn’t yoga supposed to be minimalist? I don’t see what is so minimalist about a $50 yoga mat, $100 yoga pants and $20 for 90minutes of pseudo-workout. But I like it. So I guess I have no choice. You win this round yoga.
I contemplated getting super strong for ski season too. I thought I could hit up the gym and pump some iron, you know, get huge. I have a gym membership, but working out on your own is pretty boring. I did notice that there’s a Crossfit down the street so I looked into that as well. Ummm, same issue. $20 for a dropin. Ahh. Come ON! What is with this? Why do people need to spend so much money to get fit??? An annual membership at Crossfit is $1600. How bout you sign up for an Ironman and save yourself $900? And don’t get me started on the cult that is Crossfit. I think they ring a bell outside the gym in the morning and the hypnotized Crossfitters drop what they are doing and zombie-walk towards the sound. At the door they are greeted with their morning “smoothie.” Just full of chia seeds and hemp powder I swear.
Ok fine. Each to their own, but it’s just not for me. So hear sit. I can hear the fitness sliding out of my muscles and dripping onto the floor in front of my TV. I did try to swim the other day. I made it 800m. Considering 70 days ago I could swim 3800m easily, that’s a bit of a loss. I’m ok though. I’m not one of these Type A triathletes that can’t sit still for a day. As it turns out I’m awesome at off-season. I have discovered all sorts of new or renewed talents. Like baking and origami. So enjoy your bike trainer sessions and 100x100m swim sets. I’ll be thinking up my next culinary creation and gleefully gaining a few lbs of soft winter flesh. See ya on the slopes.