Been lurking on twitter lately and it hasn’t been hard to see that the tri season is emerging from the deep cold winter and all walks of compression clad, chlorine drenched tri-nerds are blooming along with it. It seems as though every pro and his/her newly named TT bike have been heading to camp. Pro Camp. Seeing as I’m a long way off from racing as a professional triathlete, I’ll never actually experience one of these camps. But I was a Girl Guide back in the day; I know how to sew my name into my underwear and make a bed roll. I’m pretty sure I know what goes on in these “pro camps.” Roughly, they eat, tweet, swim, tweet, bike, eat, run, tweet and sleep. More specifically:
4:30am: interrupt dream about arriving at Lava Java before the line forms on your way to Kona win with musical alarm of either “Eye of the Tiger” or Katy Perry’s “Roar”
4:45am: eat breakfast consisting of 5 raw eggs @vitamix blended with beet juice and some gluten-free-what’s-the-point toast
5:00am: hit the pool for the 5km sponsored by @swimgearforpeopleneedingextrafloat squad swim
5:50am: rehydrate with @proteinshakemadeofmilksowhynotjustdrinkmilk drink
6am-7am: hangout in the pool change room comparing pull buoys, tattoos and race results.
7am: Suit up. Pull on 100% Spandex-is-a-privilege outfit, take the time to use @danglybits cream
7:15am: head out for the team ride on their @funnynosed bike seats and stayed fueled with @tasteslikehomemade energy bars
7:30am – 1pm: ride in pack formation on tri bars (concentrating solely on their wattage) which to most cyclists consider unreasonably dangerous, but it’s ok because they are trained professionals. Kids, don’t try this at home.
2pm: lunch of naturally sourced Quinoa crossed with Kamut topped with more beets sticking to the strict #vegan #partial29 #noGMO #organic diet
3-4pm: group nap time. Standard “smallest athlete gets to be the little spoon” rules apply. Sorry Trevor.
4:30pm: drink a blended version of lunch sponsored by @blentec
5 pm: track run conveniently timed with sunset glow for some #unfiltered Instagram moments of perfectly tanned-because-we-run-in-the-sun-for-a-living chiseled bodies
7pm: dinner of a variety of options that probably gets cold on the plate in time it takes to get the perfect Instagram shot
8pm: pull on pjs of fluid injected compression bladder and hop into @IM branded sheets for 8 hours of optimum #recovery.
I know there are a few different squads/teams/gaggles of pro triathletes out there, but this is a standard itinerary followed by most. I’m pretty sure it’s 98% accurate.
Happy training pros. We minions will just continue with our balanced lives of eating gluten, binge drinking and attempting athletic sub-excellence.